Chapter 1

"John! Earth to John." Said Tim.
Trying to arouse some sense of life from me.
"I'm trying to tell you a story, but you are on another planet. Is everything okay? Where do you keep going?" he asked.
"I don't know" I replied, trying to avoid the subject.
Right now, I wanted to keep my private life private, was that too much to ask?
"I guess I've just been thinking a lot."
I offered, trying to appease his desire to know what was wrong so that he could somehow help me.
I wanted him to help, well at least I thought I did.
But, I just wasn't sure what I wanted help from or for.
And after the highs and lows of recent events, this melancholy was a nice middle ground.
Stable. Manageable. Safe.
"Look, I know its been a big year for you, but the best thing to do now is to look forward, keep living life and not get lost in another dimension where your dad is still alive." said Tim.
That was the low.
After a six month battle with cancer, my dad passed away.
Needless to say, I was not taking it well.
How was I supposed to live life without my dad?
It sounds selfish, but who do I ask now when I have adult life problems, like how to pay my taxes and which superannuation fund go with?
While these things seem trivial, to me, my dad felt like the one person in the world who had life figured out.
Who could stand up to the challenges of life and still have a smile on his face.
He was the adult I wanted to become, who I knew one day I would be.
But how was I supposed to get there now?
Who would teach this 25 year old, pop music listening, young adult fiction loving, tv addict, the deep truths of life?
How was I even going to get off this couch, let alone get out of my immaturity.

"We need to get out of here, get some fresh air, meet some people.
Maybe even meet some girls." Tim smirked.
"Girls?" I replied.
"Girls are the last thing I want right now. I don't think I could handle any more drama in my life right now."
"Well, you need to do something. I can't just leave you here, bathing in your own filth all day." said Tim.
"Don't you have stuff to do?" I asked.
"Like, you know, people to see, places to go?" I hoped.
"Well I do need to be gone in a few minutes but until then i'm all yours" he replied.
"I'll be fine, you go, do what you need to, have fun. I'll go for a walk"
Hoping the prospect of me getting out of the house would get him off my back.
It worked.
He left.
Tim was a good friend, I really appreciated his friendship over the past year, but I didn't like the prospect of being a burden to him, though I know he wouldn't have minded.
But I needed some time and space to get my head right. I needed time to think.
And though, going for a walk was only a ploy to get Tim off my back, it actually did sound like a good idea.

There was a park near my house that I would frequent on my morning walks.
Something about the crisp morning air and the early morning sweat, always made the rest of the day a lot better.
So, after Tim had left, I got off the couch and went for a walk.
It might not have got me out of my own head,
but getting me out of the house was the next best thing.

The park was a good idea.
While I loved the comfort and support of the couch,
It felt like, at the park, my brain had space to play, air to breathe.
Here I could let my ideas out into the wild, let them roam around and explore the world around them.
So I walked and thought.
Thought about my future.
Thought about my past.
I pondered who I was and who I wanted to be.
For so long now I'd been unhappy with who I was, this seemed like the opportune time to change.
I remember one, of my uni lecturers one said in a class, that time is potential for change.
At the time that little phrase hit something deep within me. It really resonated with me.
Ever since then I have thought about it.
I thought about it a lot.
I thought about how I used my time, how I wasted my time, and how I could better use my time.
And how I could make better use of my time in the future.
Use it to become a better version of me.
A version that I liked.
That I would be proud of.
That my Dad would be proud of.
So I thought about all the things that I could do.
All the things I could learn.
All the places I could go.
All the people I could meet.
And suddenly I started feeling up.
I could start to see life in colour again.
I could feel some energy starting to bubble up inside of me.
I could feel the potential that the lecturer spoke of.
That I'd been lacking lately.
The self-belief that I could do something with my life, that I could be somebody.
Tim was right, I just needed some fresh air.